Difficult Year Part II--Dealing with Grief
I left off my last post having found out I had lost our
baby after an ectopic pregnancy. Most likely our baby had Trisomy 18. This time I had seen our baby move. I saw the heartbeat. I loved (love) that baby with all my
heart.
The next day C1 was in a geography bee at school. I went to cheer him on, but it felt
hollow. It felt like the world should be
stopping so I could grieve.
My husband was across the world in China when I called him
from the doctor's office. Even though
there was nothing he could do physically to bring our baby back, he cut his
trip short and came home. He got home on
my birthday, which was two days after I found out we had miscarried. When he walked in through the door I just
melted into his arms and sobbed.
We talked and talked about our options. In the end we scheduled a d&c for the following week. I could not bear the thought of my baby
accidentally being flushed down a toilet.
In truth, I was still having trouble accepting I had lost another baby,
and so I asked the doctor to check for a heartbeat one more time before they
removed the baby. They checked, put me
to sleep and I woke up after everything was done.
I still cry thinking about it.
**********
Turning to my Father in Heaven helped me get through the
grief. In my past, I've had experiences
where I thought I knew what my family and I should do. My husband's job was, at one point, going to
take him to Florida for over a year.
Rather than commuting, we thought about renting our home out and renting
another in Florida. I kept trying and
trying to make it work. The arrangements
kept falling apart. My dear sister
wisely asked me, "Have you prayed about this?"
In truth I hadn't. I
figured reuniting my family was a good thing.
Eliminating the need for my husband to travel was a good thing. That's why I pressed forward.
When I finally humbled myself enough to pray about the
matter, we received inspiration that the children and I should stay put. I didn't understand why, but trusted in our
answer. That year Florida was hit with
four hurricanes and where we would have been living would have required us to
evacuate at least three times while I was in my last trimester of pregnancy
with Princess Ballerina. I would have
had to do this with three boys six and under who had (though I didn't know it) autism
and one in particular that gets terrified of big storms.
Though having a traveling husband while I was pregnant had
its own challenges, I feel grateful for that experience that showed me in very
definite, concrete ways the Lord knows better than I do.
Always.
And I should add that my DH (dear hubby) was always able to
get on a plane back home to us before any storm hit. Blessings indeed.
*********
A month or so after my miscarriage I was met with our ecclesiastical leader for my temple
recommend. (Everyone is welcome to
worship in our chapels--whether you are a member or not--but in order to enter
the temple--our holiest buildings--you have to be interviewed by ecclesiastical
leaders) At that time I was asked if I would accept the call as the
next Relief Society president. In our
church we all volunteer to serve. Where
we serve comes through inspiration to those entrusted with the stewardship or
"keys" for a given unit. The
Bishop is the head of our local unit (or ward) and he has the responsibility to
receive inspiration on where individuals serve.
He has two counselors who help him in decisions and management of the
unit. They (the bishopric) work with other
auxiliary leaders. Those auxiliaries
are: High Priests Group and Elders Quorum (the adult male groups), Relief
Society (all adult females), Sunday School (gospel instruction for the second
hour of church for all individuals over 12), Young Men's (males between 12 and
18), Young Women's (females between 12
and 18) and Primary (children 18 months to 12 years). Each group has a presidency (a president and
two counselors) who have the responsibilities of helping their designated
group. The presidents (or a counselor if
they cannot come) meet with the Bishopric and others in a ward council to
discuss the welfare of the members. The
Primary presidency is always composed of females.
As I mentioned, Relief Society is the women's organization
in our church. My responsibility would
be to help look after the physical (temporal) and spiritual needs of the women
in the ward. I would also meet with
families who needed assistance and help assess what needs the church could help
meet as well as counsel /guide/direct/point them in the right direction to gain
skills they could use as well.
I chose two wonderful women whom I didn't know very well at
the time to be my counselors. Susan and Katie. Susan had been a Relief Society president in
the past and she taught me so much.
Katie was younger than I though still a mother of four.
The first couple of months that I was Relief Society
president, there were three funerals in our ward. I was able to use my own very personal and
very raw experience with grief and the comfort I found in the Lord to help
others in their time of need. Though
none of us can understand the suffering the Savior went through in the Garden
of Gethsemane, the scriptures teach us:
Alma 7:12 And
he will take upon him adeath,
that he may bloose
the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their
infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh,
that he may know according to the flesh how to csuccor
his people according to their infirmities.
My Savior endured unimaginable agony as He made the
Atonement , and He did it because He loves me, and so He would understand how
to lift and help each of us, and because it was part of our Heavenly Father's
plan to help us all return to them someday.
I am grateful for that.
More tomorrow.
