Music Man

Lawboy has applied to the performing arts high school Firstborn attends, AND BEEN ACCEPTED!  The competition was tough.  Several violinists auditioned and only four were accepted.  I am bursting at the seems with pride in his accomplishments.  I was hoping he would get in--my dad (who plays six instruments and sings really well) says he thinks Lawboy has a lot of natural musical talent.  I think this will be an excellent place for him to hone his talent and find more discipline in it. 

He loves robotics and seriously considered applying to Whirlwind's STEM high school.  He weighed this decision heavily for weeks, and prayed about his course of action.

In the end, he applied to the arts school first and decided to put his efforts into his audition pieces.

I think this will be a good move for him on multiple fronts.  It's a smaller school with lots of quirky, but friendly kids.  I think he and his sense of humor will fit right in.  There is an additional benefit that this year I have seen a pronounced decrease in the amount of fighting between all of my boys, and between Whirlwind and Acroboy in particular.  With Whirlwind having a "school of his own",  it seems to give him a sense of ownership, uniqueness (from his brothers) and it promotes his love of math and science.  With Lawboy going to a different high school I have high hopes their relationship will continue to improve because they won't be figuratively stepping on each others toes. 

I have high hope for my boys and their futures.  

Practice Pays Off

I am proud of my boys.  We have a county wide youth orchestra once a year.  Everyone auditions with the same selected pieces and then they are placed in chairs. Firstborn auditioned and for the first time in several years, he is first chair! I am so happy for him.  Whirlwind really doesn't like to practice, but wanted to continue orchestra this year.  We had him audition as well, and though he felt some of the pieces were above his skill level, he  was placed above his expectations.  I am waiting to hear how Lawboy's audition went.  He hasn't really been focussing on preparing his All-County pieces as much as his audition pieces for the same school Firstborn goes to.

Update:  Lawboy got third chair (first violin) for the Middle School Orchestra!  I am so proud of my boys! 

Tracking Paperwork for Special Needs Kids--My Autism Binder

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• Hello!
• With six children, four of whom are on the autism spectrum and my toddler receiving services for speech and sensory issues, I need to be an organized mom.  Admittedly, some areas of my life are better organized than others.  Today I want to address something I've never really seen talked about--the sheer amounts of paperwork that comes with a special needs child and how to organize it.
• Whether you are like me with one or more kids with special needs and you've been doing this for a while, or a mother with a newly diagnosed child, you need a way to keep track of the appointments, progress reports, evaluations and 504, IEP and IFSP paperwork.  If you have a newly diagnosed child, I want to especially welcome you.  Take a deep breath and know that it will be okay because YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  You need to know this because I made so many missteps when we were first dealing with a new diagnosis.  The biggest one was not reaching out and sharing with others.

Success and Failure-Whirlwind and High School

So we have some success, and a failure.

Whirlwind did NOT get into the performing arts high school Firstborn attends.

I'm actually kind of grateful.

It's like pulling teeth to get him to practice.  He spends most of his time fighting me on it, walking away and just getting distracted.  Twenty minutes of practicing often turns into an hour or more because he interrupts his own playing.  (If he'd just buckle down and get it done, he would be done so much faster).  I can only imagine what agony next year would be if we had to fight to get him to practice to keep his grades up. 

Whirlwind DID get into the STEM magnet program.  I have high hopes for him here.  I've met with the counselor there and we attended an orientation meeting of sorts.  He's pretty excited about this new venture and so am I. 

Getting Whirlwind Ready for High School

In our school district, we have magnet programs.  Firstborn goes to a great school geared towards the arts.  He is getting top notch instruction in instrumental playing.  Whirlwind hates to practice, yet he has decided to apply to this school because he likes what his brother says about the students and the atmosphere.

In the meantime, another high school has a great STEM program (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math).  Whirlwind says he wants to be an engineer someday.  I think this is the better path for him. We're encouraging him to apply to this program.

We should know something about both schools by April.  I'll post the results.  

Acroboy Has Graduated from Speech Therapy

Right as school is ending I received a letter from the speech therapist at the elementary school.  It stated that Acroboy has met all of his speech goals and services would be ending. 

I'm not sure how to feel about this. 

I'm pleased that he seems to have met all of his goals, but will he remember everything he needs once school starts again in the fall?  Will we have other issues that will become more prevalent? 

I think his teacher is nervous too. 

I did receive one piece of good news for us though.  The incoming kindergarten class is not large enough to warrant three teachers, so his teacher will be advancing to first grade with her students.  I think most of the kids in the class are excited (all of them opted to stay with her), but I am especially looking forward to this move since she knows Acroboy so well and we already have good communication and reinforcement between the two of us. 

We'll see what the summer and fall bring. 

Frustrations and Gratitude

We had a 504 meeting for Acroboy.  Well, I thought it was going to be a 504 meeting for Acroboy.

Acroboy's teacher has been giving him some accommodations to help him in class.  He gets extra reminders, visual cues, he sits close to her on the rug and so forth.  His reading skills have blossomed under her care and we have seen him make some progress socially.

He has a dual diagnosis of Autism Spectrum and ADHD, which should qualify him for an IEP.  I've met with the district twice about an IEP for him.  Both times I was told he wasn't behind enough for a perceived academic impact on him.  I also had him evaluated for speech at an early age since he didn't really talk until about his second birthday.  By the time we got the evaluation done he was speaking enough that he didn't qualify for services.  I had worked with him on colors, numbers, shapes, etc. and so there was little for outside resources to do.  He just wasn't far enough behind to warrant services. 

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This time I wrote a letter stating that though he has dual diagnoses that both qualify him for an IEP, I would settle for a 504 to get the accommodations he is currently receiving written down on paper.  --Firstborn had "unofficial accommodations" and when we met up with a teacher who was less than understanding and willing to work with us, his grades took a nosedive.  I didn't want the same thing to happen to Acroboy. 

The school principal, school counselor, speech therapist, and teacher were all there.  The occupational therapist who examined Acroboy's handwriting was not.  The developmental pediatrician we saw at our favorite Autism medical center also diagnosed Acroboy with Hypotonia (or low muscle tone) in his hands.  Acroboy has terrible handwriting, though the occupational therapist said (via phone call to me at a different time) the handwriting is not out of line with what you would expect in a kindergartner.  

We went over Acroboy's strengths and weaknesses.  His teacher discussed how she had been working with Acroboy on a number of behaviors, social skills and things.  The school speech therapist talked about some of his struggles with social skills as well.  We all know he has had a hard time adjusting to kindergarten.  However, because he has learned to read above grade level and he can figure out times tables now that I have explained the concept to him (4x2 means four groups of two--and he figures out the answer eight), he does not meet their criteria for an educational impact.

They were quick to tell me that he still qualifies for and will receive speech help, but he does not get a 504.

I'm incredibly grateful that Acroboy (and really all of my boys) are doing so well academically.  I have high hopes that they will be able to be fully independent and contributing members of society.  I know many other families who are not so lucky.  Words can't really express how lucky I feel. 

I am frustrated and more than a little concerned that by not writing these accommodations down on paper I will encounter the same problems we did with Firstborn. 

The school officials also told me if we see Acroboy's grades and academic performance go down we can revisit the idea of a 504.  I asked that if I can't get a 504 for Acroboy, when they are placing him in a class next year, could they please place him in a class with a patient and understanding teacher who will work with him--even without the 504.  They assured me they will. 

Meanwhile the occupational therapist sent home a pencil grip and some exercises we can do at home to strengthen Acroboy's hands and improve his handwriting.  

I'm hoping and praying for the best. 

Feeling like I'm putting out fires

Lately I feel like I just keep putting out one fire after another. I'm always trying to stay on top of things with my kids and that includes checking in with them and their grades. We recently decided to make the move to no video games during the week because they were rushing through assignments to play their games. That means our lists have been off the fridge.

It's been more chaotic around here.

Yep--stating the obvious.

Anyhow I haven't had as much time at home because of all the errands and appointments I've had to get to. Last week I finally dragged myself to two stores to return a Christmas present and some snow boots I had picked up which were the wrong size. I had a third and fourth item at two additional stores, but I forgot one of the receipts and the kids had moved one of the bags with the items. I frankly gave up on returning the party favors from the fall because my 90 days to exchange had long expired.

Last week I also had to take Whirlwind in for an early appointment to the orthodontist. He had been chewing on a pen cap and had dislodged the bracket on one of his front teeth. Lawboy had an appointment with a LCSW at our favorite autism medical facility (2 hours away) and Firstborn had an all-day youth activity on Saturday for which I had to write tons of emails and coordinate the carpool. DH drove and was gone all of Saturday too. Fortunately we had all done most of the cleaning on Friday, so though I was down two helpers, I still managed to work on catching up some things--including this blog.

In the midst of our Friday appointments and cleaning, (DH made dinner-how awesome is he?), Lawboy forgot about some key homework he needed to do. He remembered Sunday evening. Fortunately it wasn't due until yesterday. The homework? The final draft of a massive research project they've been working on for months.

In my dream world Lawboy would use the flash drive I gave him, pull up the rough draft he turned in one month ago, and just revise based upon insightful comments the teacher made on his returned project. In my reality Lawboy has lost his flash drive, found it, and accidentally sent it through the wash. I put it into a bowl of rice--hoping we could salvage it the way we salvaged his iPod, but I have no clue if it worked since he promptly lost it again. Unbeknownst to me, he has been borrowing his sister's flash drive the last couple of weeks.

For the icing on the cake, the family computer which had saved the rough draft on kept crashing. We couldn't pull anything off of it.

Fortunately I have my laptop, but basically he had to start from scratch. He didn't realize he could look at his returned rough draft, type it, and then alter it.

It being Monday, I got him started, and then helped the other kids get going on their homework, practicing, etc. Princess Ballerina had her piano lesson, and she and Acroboy had a gymnastics class this's week. I pick up Firstborn and our neighbor from school and we also had family night. I kept checking on Lawboy to make sure he was working, but we were quite far into the evening before I realized how little he had accomplished since he didn't even have his rough draft in front of him. I asked him if he knew what a research paper was supposed to look like, and he did not. I showed him an example online.

While Lawboy kept working, I dug through his bag and folders to find the rough draft. It had been awhile since we had cleaned out his bag and it was a mess. Even though there are supposed to be divisions, things were completely mixed up. I eventually found two papers related to the project, but there was so little information/work done, there were not many useful comments.

We sent Lawboy to bed.

The next morning we got him up at his usual time and set him to work. After getting his siblings off to school, I worked with more with him. I explained footnotes, attributing quotes and more. I even had to explain punctuation. I knew he had trouble with some of these things, but until we worked closely on this project, I didn't realize the full extent of his troubles. So now we have to sit down and create a plan of action to help him improve his weaknesses.

Do we get him a personal tutor? I can work with him on my own, but I'm not sure how effective I will be with all of the inevitable interruptions. Suggestions are welcome. This is a fire I need to work on immediately before it gets out-of-control.

Good Friends Are There For You

I am so thankful for good friends. My good friend, Monica, knew I hadn't been able to get the school district (a long story) to put Acroboy into their free preschool program. She also how concerned I was that he have a chance to adjust going to school, and that budget constraints precluded many private schools.

Monica's own daughters attend an early education training program at our high school. Students have to apply and be accepted into the program which works with young children 3-5 years in age.  The preschool class size is limited and the whole program is under the supervision of a wonderful teacher. The students spend weeks learning before they are ever put in charge of children.  Then, each Friday (when there is no preschool), they evaluate the week.  The cost is nominal. 

Monica talked to the teacher in charge about getting Acroboy into the program just once a week so he could have exposure to sitting in a classroom, learning and using routines, and getting along with other kids.

The teacher called me and she had some concerns too, but in the end we decided to try it out for a few weeks.

Overall it went well.  Things went well enough that Acroboy went Mondays and Wednesdays, then at the end, he went every day.

We hit a few snags with him learning the rules, learning about people's personal space (that one is still an issue), and learning about what not to say in class (it involves quoting dialog from a video game out-of-context).  We had a few days when there were tears because he didn't want to go to school.  I would sit in my car in the parking lot and wait for them to come get me if it became too much.  In the end he would come out smiling and happy and having totally forgotten he had not wanted to be at school. 

It was a good experience and I think a much needed one to prepare him for the transition to kindergarten.  I can't thank Monica enough for her help.  I can only imagine what kindergarten would be like if we were fighting all of these battles then, and not now. 

I Feel Guilty

I feel guilty. I really do. And yet i feel justified. I took Acroboy to music time and sat back and watched him act at his worst. I watched him be hyperactive, get in other people's spaces, and not pay attention, and I did nothing. Not a thing, nada, zip, diddly squat.

I did this because I wanted the school employees to see just how much help Acroboy needs. I just want to get him into a preschool setting where he can start working more on some social skills.

One of the other moms commented to me as we were leaving, "Boy, he sure has a lot of energy, doesn't he?"

Yep, I feel guilty.

I explained to her that I had purposely sat back because I wanted them to see how much help he'll need adjusting to kindergarten.

I think I was a little ticked off too, because I got a note in the mail saying there was no record of us ever applying for Acroboy to be in preschool. Umm, right. That would be why we got the letter saying Acroboy was on the wait list. Okay.

Now I have to straighten out this mess.

In addition, Firstborn's grades have been slipping lower and lower in math and science. He gets the concepts, but his anxieties are popping up again. He stresses out over quizzes and test and his mind goes blank for a few minutes. He then realizes how much time has passed and freaks out more. In his mind the missing time means he'll fail the quiz/test. If he fails the quiz/test, he will fail the class. If he fails the class, there is no way he can get into a good school. If he can't get into a good school, there is no way he can provide for his family. It goes on and on.

When I first started talking to the counselor, her first reaction was, "If his grades are slipping, maybe he shouldn't be in honors classes." Hold it right there sister. He gets the information, it's the tests, quizzes and organization problems that are the problem. All you have to do is talk with him and know he gets it. So do that--talk with my kid.

He had a decent handle on his anxieties thanks to the work with the school counselor and school psychologist and amazing teachers we had up to fourth grade before we moved here. Firstborn used to cry every time things did not go as he expected or when he would get himself working into an anxiety spiral. We had a number of student support meetings regarding how to help him. It was because of my friend's comment about Firstborn's behavior we talked to the school and started his diagnosis process. However it was not on an official 504. I've written a separate post on Firstborn's journey to diagnosis.

If I am really honest with myself, i think part of the reason the anxieties weren't as pronounced the last couple of years is I don't think Firstborn has felt quite as challenged at the schools here. Now that he is finally starting to get more challenged by new material and he is getting closer to high school, his anxieties have been creeping back in.

I had asked for copies of the school records before we moved, but I was told they would just forward everything to the new school. I took them at their word--everything would be forwarded. I should have been more adamant.

I went to the junior high to get copies of their current records and while I was looking at them with the counselor, we saw that there are absolutely no notes about any student support meetings, teacher's notes on behavior, counselor notes, or anything other than standardized test scores and grades. Either the notes never made it into the file, or somewhere between the move they got lost.

So there is no record of any supports or diagnosis for Firstborn. I think I have to take responsibility. I did not understand what would be at stake if I didn't put a "label" on my son. I thought I was helping him.

I was wrong and I feel guilty about it.

Now I've got to call our favorite Autism medical center and get Firstborn in the wait list to be reevaluated. I'm going to go about this the correct way so we can get him just a few accommodations so he can deal with his anxiety. He'll be starting high school next year, and the pressure will be on. I need to do everything I can to help him succeed.

I resolve to not let any guilt I feel hold me back. From now on I will be the warrior mom my kids need me to be.

School frustrations

It's been a busy few weeks. I met with the school IEP group again about my concerns with Acroboy. They actually were more concerned about his ADHD diagnosis and how it will affect his learning than they were about PDD-NOS. They basically said to me, "We don't think he really needs an IEP right now-an IEP is for education impact. But since you've come back to us again, we'll do our own evaluation of him and his abilities and we'll see if he needs anything."

Okay folks, forget the fact that a world renowned institute has already looked at him.

Twice.

Forget the fact I've been asking you for help with him since before he was two and that I've been doing all his therapies by myself until recently. Forget the fact that I was once a school teacher before I made the decision to stay home with my kids. You go ahead and finally deign to do an evaluation on him.

Sheesh.

I talked to my friend, Michele, and she helped me realize that at the core of this, they are probably stalling and putting me off because extra help usually means extra resources spent. I know how overworked teachers can be--I was on a productivity schedule when I taught which meant no free planning period--everything I did was before and after school on my own time. Still I wanted my students to succeed, and I found time to touch base with parents of those students I had concerns about.

In the end the school district said I could bring him to a preschool music time, and they would look into getting him speech help again. They were also going to talk to the preschool program people and see if Acroboy could be moved to the top of the wait list (he was supposed to be near the top already with his diagnosis).

Despite all that, this month has had some positive notes. While I was waiting at the orthodontist for Firstborn (he's getting braces off and Whirlwind is going to get them soon), I ran into Julie,my second counselor in the Relief Society, who also had her son in for a visit. She asked how Acroboy's evaluation went. Another mom was in the waiting room and she got pulled into our conversation. It turns out she has six children--three of whom she adopted. A couple of her children are also on the spectrum. She and I exchanged information, and she told me about some additional resources I could look into. Michele also found an autism support group, and what they had to say opened my eyes.

I am frankly still overwhelmed by the amount of information I need to process, but I feel like I am becoming better and better equipped to fight the battles for my children that need to be fought.

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Another positive thing--Firstborn had a very important concert and was first chair for his string section. He also had an important audition and we hope he did well. He's been playing the strings since 2007. I was so proud listening to him play. It was an amazing concert to watch.

Family Happenings

This pregnancy has been rough.  I've been so incredibly sick. But I at the same time I am so grateful to be in this position. I really had given up the idea that we would have any more kids. I didn't think it was in the Lord's plan for us. Because I thought we were done having kids and I gave away so much baby gear! My friend, Christy, who was the recipient of most of the baby gear gave or is going to give it back. When I am done with it, it will go right back to her. That part is a huge relief at least.

In regards to being sick, I've had to get acupuncture treatments for nausea and STILL wear my sea bands.  Were it not for the fact I've learned that a little bit of protein in my belly helps (I nibble on hard boiled eggs and turkey meat), and that carbohydrates tend to make me sicker, and blessings from the Lord, I probably would have ended up having another IV from getting dehydrated and not keeping things down like I did with Firstborn.  I tried the anti-nausea medication they said I could take, but I had a reaction to it.  

Based upon prior experience I am pretty sure I am having a boy.  I am just hoping that if it is a boy, and he too is on the autism spectrum, the Lord will grant me strength and wisdom to be the best parent I can be.  

Words really can't express how shocked I was at being pregnant.  I am so grateful though that we have made it further than we did with the last three pregnancies.  I've done a lot of soul searching about the answer I got, and I can see a purpose for it now.  The answer I got was that I had done all I needed to for my family and that I should focus on helping my kids right now.  I interpreted that as I had given birth to all the children I needed to. Perhaps I that is how I was supposed to interpret my answer.  Since then though, I have been focusing more on what my kids need.  

I have also gone through the difficult process of aligning my heart to the Lord's will for me.  I am sure this will not be the only time I ever have to align my will with what Heavenly Father and our Savior want for me, but I have grown so much closer to them.  Staying close to our Father in Heaven and Savior is a constant process I know. You really have to keep moving forward because doing nothing sends you backwards.  

Katie (who is now my first counselor), and Julie (my second counselor) have been a tremendous help. I was so sick we ended up telling them and the Bishop in addition to our parents because I needed the extra help. 

I was somewhat apprehensive at our 12 week visit. this was the visit where in the last two pregnancies things had gone wrong. First we had our 12 week ultrasound and we saw a strong heartbeat, and I could even tell the nuchial folds seemed thinner than the baby we lost. Then it was time for the doctor to see me after the ultrasound. When he came in a gave us a HUGE smile. Everything looked great at this point. I felt so relieved-- we made it to a crucial point.

We still didn't want to tell the world at large, but we felt lighter and a bit more optimistic. Thankfully as well, my morning sickness ebbed just in time for that family vacation I planned for in May.  

We had a good time--so much so that our most recent trip has earned A couple of separate posts.  I have had to put off things for my other children because I was so sick with the one I am carrying now.  One of those is pressing for C5-Trainboy--though I think Acroboy is more appropriate now--getting him into preschool.  We're almost to Christmas and he still isn't in a program yet. We were told we were on the wait list. There have been days when it was all I could do to make breakfast and lunch for the two of us, so I had no problem not having to run him to school each day.

Acroboy is smart, so it is not the academic portion I am worried about. It's getting him to adjust going to school each day. It is getting him used to a regular classroom setting and interacting with large groups of children. He goes to the children's class each Sunday, but that isn't a substitute for a weekday routine. His sister got a call just before Winter break and would she like to join the preschool. I had been hoping that would be the case again, but not so far.  I have another meeting with the district after the holidays to hopefully get him an IEP. I am hoping they'll put him in one of their preschool programs then.  Private preschool really isn't an option for us. 

We took him back to the medical institute's center for autism.  He had another ADOS and other evaluations.  This time he has a diagnosis of not only PDD-NOS, but ADHD. It's really not surprising given how hyper he is all of the time.  I've been seeing him act more and more like Whirlwind all of the time. He has food and texture issues though, so medication is not an option in my mind.  We will see what meeting with the district brings.