Misunderstandings

It's taken me a long while to write about this because of how sensitive the feelings of those involved are.

Let's first visit the day we found out that not only was Acroboy on the Autism spectrum, but that he has ADHD as well.  I really wasn't surprised by the dual-diagnosis, but it still hit me hard.  I knew with the diagnosis just how hard life could be for Acroboy.  Add to that pregnancy hormones, and it was a pretty emotional day.  Even though I expected the diagnosis, it feels like a mourning for the child that will never be.

I was driving home from our favorite Autism center, and I got a phone call from my sister (J).  She told me that I should not have my mother come out to help with the new baby because, "to be blunt, your kids overwhelm her."

Wow.

Ouch.

Now, my mom has had lots of health problems and I was already trying to figure out an alternative.  (She had called me up an announced she was coming out to help a week or so prior).  I have steep stairs in my house and my mom has knee problems as well as Lupus, and stress makes her Lupus flare up.  I didn't think this was necessarily a good combination.

We Have An Eagle Scout!!!

Firstborn passed his Eagle Board of Review tonight!  I am so excited.  This has been such a long road for us.  It was actually his first (and very astute) Cub Scout Den Leader who noticed what a hard time Firstborn had in socializing with the other boys.  She started us on our path of discovery and understanding about autism.  

Firstborn took on a project beyond his skill set (not the least of which was making himself feel comfortable talking to adults about his project--a challenge for any kid--let alone one with Aspergers).  My Dad helped him with gain the skill set to put these chairs together for the park service.


Dear Hubby's parents are visiting, so we all celebrated with a delicious chocolate cake.  Now I just have to plan the Eagle Court of Honor....

Hope you have happy news in your day!

Clone wars (and Pete the Cat)

Yep, I got the title in part from Star Wars.  My kids are Star Wars fans, and so am I.  It seems appropriate though because there are many days I look around my house and I wish that I could clone myself.  Those days it feels like there are so many tasks to get done--they are all "warring" or competing for my attention. 

There are papers to go through, medical expense reports to submit to the flexible spending account, baby clothes to sort and send to consignment or give away, school papers to fill out and/or file, and of course--doctors' appointments to follow up on,  laundry to do, dishes, sweeping, and coats to be hung up. There are plastic bags by the front door need to go back to the grocery store for recycling.

There is mail to take to the post office. Plus I have plenty of projects like creating goal printables I will frame and hang on our wall in the sunroom.  My thought is by creating something nice to look at and framing it, we will give importance to our goals.

There are pants that need to be mended, curtains that need to be hemmed,  I need to finish my menu planning for the next couple of weeks and then go to the grocery store.  And my biggest and most important responsibility is taking care of my children and in particular Baby Girl who is overcoming an ear infection. 

I try to let go of the things that are unimportant, but sometimes when you are in the thick of things, it is hard to keep perspective. 

I am sure I am not alone in feeling this way.

Pete the Cat is a great little book where Pete keeps walking and singing no matter what he encounters, because "It's all good".  

It's days like these where I have to remind myself where my bar really needs to be set.  If the kids are all happy, fed, alive and asleep in their beds at the end of the day, then it is all good.  Everything else that gets done is icing on the cake. 

Sprinting vs. Marathons: Living in a World of Quick Fixes with Long-term Challenges

It seems to me we are a society of quick fixes.  Everywhere you turn in media there are ads for countless medical pills.  There are pills and drugs and creams, for dry mouth, dry eyes, insomnia, depression, acne, irritable bowel syndrome, restless leg syndrome, ed, yeast infections, weight loss, etc.  You can make your eyelashes appear longer and fuller with hundreds of mascaras, or you can products that will permanently affect them. (And oh, by the way, it may actually change your eye color.  You have to read the fine print).  

We buy magazines with covers that scream, "Ten steps to a better you!",  "50 ways to declutter your home", "101 organizing ideas", "30 things you should do with your kids", "Seven great weight-loss recipes".  We devour lists and tips and quick fixes.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the only that wishes I could snap my fingers and my house would magically clean itself up--much like the nursery in Mary Poppins.  

I admit I am guilty of buying into some of these things.  I can't tell you how many organization books I've read.  I think subconsciously I keep hoping reading one more article will make me a more organized person.  I have spent more hours than I'd like to admit trolling Pinterest for recipes, meal planning, Autism ideas, and the like.  I've even written my own post on this blog about tips and ideas for navigating amusement parks with more than one ASD child, or how to capture the magic of a surprise Disney vacation when your kids don't exactly like surprises. 

Now don't get me wrong. I am grateful for the information and products out there that are truly helpful.  Three of my children have ADHD, and two of them are on medications that help them focus.  Before we tried the medicines, we went a more holistic approach cutting out sugars, gluten and casein.  We also cut out artificial dyes.  It worked when I could monitor my children's diet, but one little slip-up meant I had to deal with 45 minute long screaming tantrums.  I was exhausted and Whilrlwind would actively seek the things I was trying to keep out of his diet.  He would trade food at school, friends houses, etc.  It was a losing battle.  When we had his medication correct he was sweet loving, and easy to get along with because he could control his impulses and anger.

I've also found many useful tips and ideas that have made my life a bit easier in various ways.  Ideas for transitioning my kids to activities, freezer meals to try that included a pre-made grocery list, organizing and scheduling ideas that have made life run a little smoother and the like.

As good as all these things can be though, I have to remind myself that for better or worse, I am running a marathon here--not a 50 meter dash.

There are no ten easy steps to helping my children master motor skills like buttons or legible handwriting.  There isn't a sure-fire way to get my kids to respect personal space for others.  We have to practice reciprocal conversation skills, picking up body language and other things I had always taken for granted.  And, as much as I want to lose thirty pounds, it is not going to happen if I don't pay attention to what I eat and get exercise.  The quick fixes I've seen for weight loss have had their ramifications.  A former co-worker was very excited about Phenphen when it came out.  He would later discover he had damaged his heart with its use.

***

A couple of years ago I ran a 5k.  It was a goal I had, and I was so excited to keep going with my running.  However, that winter I sprained both my knee and my ankle when I was rushing across my kitchen floor and slipped on a mat.  My knee and ankle hurt for a long time, and I did not get back into running.  This year I have a goal to run another 5k in the fall.  As I train with the walk/run method, I find I "hit the wall".  I get to the point when I don't feel like I can physically run one more step before I have to walk.  I remember from before when I hit that wall and push through it--even one or two steps more, the wall would get pushed further and further back.  I also remember there even comes a point in running when you get a second wind and you are able to go further than you did before. 

I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.

***

I would say I'm running a marathon in my life right now with my family, except it feels more like being in training. There are times we are running, but we hit our wall and don't think we can go one more step.  Sometimes we are metaphorically walking.  Moving forward at a snail's pace, but we are still moving forward.  It's the only thing I can do.  To not move forward would be to give up, and I just can't do that.

When I hit my wall or need to remember that this really is a long-distance run, there are a few things that really help me.  One is looking back and seeing/remembering just how far we have come.  Firstborn doesn't freak out at "crisis" situations anymore like he used to.  The kids have come from reading below grade level to reading above grade level.  Conversation skills are improving, Acroboy doesn't break down and cry anymore when a new food is presented to him, he is actually more willing to try new foods thanks to the food occupational therapy.  We've made huge strides, and in my moments of frustration I have to remember just how far we've come.

I also have to remember I am not running this race alone.  I have a running buddies/cheerleaders in my friends and family who support me.  My biggest supporters are my Heavenly Father and Savior.  Whenever I feel tired or discouraged I can turn to them through prayer, scripture study, service, contemplation, etc, and feel uplifted.  There have been many times in my life where I feel like they've carried me. 

This above all helps me move forward.  When I reach the end of this life and have to meet my Father in Heaven and Savior I want more than anything to be able to truthfully say:

I have fought a good ^afight, I have ^bfinished my course, I have kept the faith 2 Timothy 4:7

Remember when you are running today, it's not a sprint--it's a marathon and we're in it for the long haul.  If you need a little more inspiration, check out the video above or in this link.  We're all a little bit like Dayton and the Savior is our legs.  

Proud and Humble Mama

Today was a good day. It started off rocky, I had to run to a big box store to get black polo shirts for an upcoming concert for my boys. The three oldest had their solo and ensemble competitions today. Two of the boys needed to be there at 9:20 and though I kept watching my time on my watch, I hadn't counted on how long it would take to get through checkout. I kept calling home to keep them apprised of my progress, and to coach them on how ready they should be at that point.

Lawboy kept answering the phone and I don't know if he ever passed on my messages. My instructions before I left and on my phone calls were to shower, eat, take medications, have instruments packed and ready to go as well as have music. I called when I was about five minutes from home and instructed them to put their instruments in the van (I was in my husband's commuter car).

I got home about two minutes after we were supposed to be at the school (which takes about seven minutes to get to). They were still getting things together--despite the three "signpost" phone calls I had made. Whirlwind was still in his pajamas. I had planned on taking all three of them to the competition at the same time.

We finally got the two older ones out the door. I am not very proud to admit I was berating them for not following directions and running so late. A little voice inside my head told me I was not helping them be calm or prepare to perform at their best.  It was humbling.

I apologized to the boys for yelling.  I explained my reason for wanting to get them there early was to give them time to warm up and prepare and be calm.  I realized my yelling hadn't helped matters. I asked Firstborn to say a prayer because we had lost the influence of the Holy Spirit because of my yelling. He gave a beautiful prayer asking for the spirit to come back and to help them in their performances inasmuch as they had prepared to play their pieces. I think we all felt better after that, and that was proud mama moment number one.  He was showing maturity where I had not. 

I dropped the kids off and parked the car.  Just as I was coming in the school I saw Firstborn talking to his teacher.  His copy of his music had gone missing.  He was worried.  The teacher suggested he check his things again and retrace his steps back to the car.  Firstborn and I both said hurried prayers to find the music.  I ran to the car to check for his music, and then called home and had them check too.  The family and home and I came up with nothing. 

When I got back into the building, I could not find Firstborn. I found Lawboy who said Firstborn had been called back to play already. We checked with his teacher, but none of us had any idea whether or not he had found his missing music. Very quickly, Lawboy was called back to perform his piece.  I saw him off and headed home to get Whirlwind.

My sweet boys showed me generosity of spirit by being willing to forgive my crazy mama moments and berating I had done.  They were definitely more mature than I had been.  It is humbling when your child(ren) can show you how you should have behaved.  

When I arrived home, Whirlwind still had not showered. He was dressed, but not showered. I learned my lesson, and stayed calm.  I did make him shower and change his clothes into a white shirt and tie. His performance time was later, but I wanted to get him there with plenty of time to tune his instrument. It turns it out that was a good thing. And though Whirlwind kept whining and asking for his DS (which I did not give), I still kept my cool this time. He threatened to quit cello for the umpteenth time to which I calmly gave him options if he chose to quit.  I replied if he was choosing to quit we could either sell his cello, or he could pay me back for it if he wanted to keep it and not play it.  He loves his cello enough (though he hates to practice) that he calmed down.

In the end we got him there, he tuned his cello with the help of a teacher, and he performed. It was the first year of "competition" for Whirlwind and Lawboy, but the third for Firstborn. Whirlwind and Lawboy both got a rating of II.  This is really good for a first competition. We were expecting harder judging now that Firstborn is competing on a high school level, so we were absolutely thrilled when he came back with a I, which qualifies him to compete at state. He qualified last year too, but the state competition was held around the time Baby Girl was due.

At the end of the day, I am both proud of my boys and humbled by their actions.  They were quick to forgive and move on.  How often can I take a page from their book and not hold on to a grudge?  I try to not hold grudges, but I find that I will sometimes spend an hour or two in "righteous indignation" before I calm down.  They did it within less than an hour.

Something to think about.

I am so proud of my boys and all of their hard work!  Congratulations boys and thanks for being a good example to your mother.