Return of GI Scope

Baby Girl had her second GI scope today.  She was a lot grumpier this time around and the grumpiness lasted longer than it did before.  The doctor showed me the pictures and things look good, but she'll send the biopsies off for evaluation so we know for sure.  I have a follow up appointment in a week or two. 

We've run out of her generic antacid, and the doctor wants to wait until she has the biopsy results before she gives us a new prescription. 

Her weight has added a few ounces each time she's seen the doctor recently, so I'm hopeful we're past the weight loss for her.  I'm in the process of weaning her.  I've been giving her more and more sippy cups of soy milk.  It's a bit emotional for me since she is my last baby, but now that I see how much better she is doing weight-wise it's a bit easier to let go.  (I even have guilt wondering if I'm the reason her weight gain has been poor). 

I have to admit I'm looking forward to adding dairy back into my diet.  I think I'll treat myself to a big old piece of cheesecake when she is done.

Clone wars (and Pete the Cat)

Yep, I got the title in part from Star Wars.  My kids are Star Wars fans, and so am I.  It seems appropriate though because there are many days I look around my house and I wish that I could clone myself.  Those days it feels like there are so many tasks to get done--they are all "warring" or competing for my attention. 

There are papers to go through, medical expense reports to submit to the flexible spending account, baby clothes to sort and send to consignment or give away, school papers to fill out and/or file, and of course--doctors' appointments to follow up on,  laundry to do, dishes, sweeping, and coats to be hung up. There are plastic bags by the front door need to go back to the grocery store for recycling.

There is mail to take to the post office. Plus I have plenty of projects like creating goal printables I will frame and hang on our wall in the sunroom.  My thought is by creating something nice to look at and framing it, we will give importance to our goals.

There are pants that need to be mended, curtains that need to be hemmed,  I need to finish my menu planning for the next couple of weeks and then go to the grocery store.  And my biggest and most important responsibility is taking care of my children and in particular Baby Girl who is overcoming an ear infection. 

I try to let go of the things that are unimportant, but sometimes when you are in the thick of things, it is hard to keep perspective. 

I am sure I am not alone in feeling this way.

Pete the Cat is a great little book where Pete keeps walking and singing no matter what he encounters, because "It's all good".  

It's days like these where I have to remind myself where my bar really needs to be set.  If the kids are all happy, fed, alive and asleep in their beds at the end of the day, then it is all good.  Everything else that gets done is icing on the cake. 

I Feel Guilty

I feel guilty. I really do. And yet i feel justified. I took Acroboy to music time and sat back and watched him act at his worst. I watched him be hyperactive, get in other people's spaces, and not pay attention, and I did nothing. Not a thing, nada, zip, diddly squat.

I did this because I wanted the school employees to see just how much help Acroboy needs. I just want to get him into a preschool setting where he can start working more on some social skills.

One of the other moms commented to me as we were leaving, "Boy, he sure has a lot of energy, doesn't he?"

Yep, I feel guilty.

I explained to her that I had purposely sat back because I wanted them to see how much help he'll need adjusting to kindergarten.

I think I was a little ticked off too, because I got a note in the mail saying there was no record of us ever applying for Acroboy to be in preschool. Umm, right. That would be why we got the letter saying Acroboy was on the wait list. Okay.

Now I have to straighten out this mess.

In addition, Firstborn's grades have been slipping lower and lower in math and science. He gets the concepts, but his anxieties are popping up again. He stresses out over quizzes and test and his mind goes blank for a few minutes. He then realizes how much time has passed and freaks out more. In his mind the missing time means he'll fail the quiz/test. If he fails the quiz/test, he will fail the class. If he fails the class, there is no way he can get into a good school. If he can't get into a good school, there is no way he can provide for his family. It goes on and on.

When I first started talking to the counselor, her first reaction was, "If his grades are slipping, maybe he shouldn't be in honors classes." Hold it right there sister. He gets the information, it's the tests, quizzes and organization problems that are the problem. All you have to do is talk with him and know he gets it. So do that--talk with my kid.

He had a decent handle on his anxieties thanks to the work with the school counselor and school psychologist and amazing teachers we had up to fourth grade before we moved here. Firstborn used to cry every time things did not go as he expected or when he would get himself working into an anxiety spiral. We had a number of student support meetings regarding how to help him. It was because of my friend's comment about Firstborn's behavior we talked to the school and started his diagnosis process. However it was not on an official 504. I've written a separate post on Firstborn's journey to diagnosis.

If I am really honest with myself, i think part of the reason the anxieties weren't as pronounced the last couple of years is I don't think Firstborn has felt quite as challenged at the schools here. Now that he is finally starting to get more challenged by new material and he is getting closer to high school, his anxieties have been creeping back in.

I had asked for copies of the school records before we moved, but I was told they would just forward everything to the new school. I took them at their word--everything would be forwarded. I should have been more adamant.

I went to the junior high to get copies of their current records and while I was looking at them with the counselor, we saw that there are absolutely no notes about any student support meetings, teacher's notes on behavior, counselor notes, or anything other than standardized test scores and grades. Either the notes never made it into the file, or somewhere between the move they got lost.

So there is no record of any supports or diagnosis for Firstborn. I think I have to take responsibility. I did not understand what would be at stake if I didn't put a "label" on my son. I thought I was helping him.

I was wrong and I feel guilty about it.

Now I've got to call our favorite Autism medical center and get Firstborn in the wait list to be reevaluated. I'm going to go about this the correct way so we can get him just a few accommodations so he can deal with his anxiety. He'll be starting high school next year, and the pressure will be on. I need to do everything I can to help him succeed.

I resolve to not let any guilt I feel hold me back. From now on I will be the warrior mom my kids need me to be.