Wow. Been a while since I posted. I had a pretty hard year. A few months after my ectopic pregnancy I got pregnant again and was pretty excited. I was pretty sick, which I took to be good sign--baby must be growing right--right?
I was dealing with thyroid issues again and went to an endocronologist who diagnosed me with transient hyperthyroidism due to pregnancy.
My doctors wanted me to do an ultrasound at 7-8 weeks to make sure the baby was in the right place after they had seen an appropriate rise in hormone levels. I had one and we saw a heartbeat and it was great.
At 12 weeks I had another ultrasound--the screening one they do for chromosomal disorders. I had my blood work drawn too. Our sweet little baby was moving and kicking and had a nice heartbeat. The doctor told me though that the nuchial folds were a little thicker than normal and they might want to do some more tests--depending on how the blood work turned out. I asked how thick was normal. Answer: 4. How thick was our baby's nuchial folds? Answer: 9.
It was not something I was expecting.
I went over to my friends house after my appointment to get my kids. She sat with me as I expressed my fears that the baby would be okay. I called my husband (dh) who was at the time out-of-the-country again. We talked briefly and decided try and not worry until we had the results of the tests.
Long story made shorter, after much prayer we felt at peace. When word came the following week that our baby had a 1 in 10 chance for trisomy 18 and a 1 in 10 for trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) we were not surprised. It was a time of great emotion.
For those who don't know trisomy 21 is most commonly referred to as Down Syndrome. The 21st chromosome has three copies instead of the regular two. Trisomy 18 is three versions of the 18th chromosome. There is even one called trisomy 13. The 13th chromosome has an extra copy there. Birth defects and congenital heart problems are not uncommon among with these. I understand a good number of children with Down Syndrome need heart surgery. Not all do, but a good number of them. With trisomy 18, most babies do not live more than one year because of the birth defects they usually suffer from. Trisomy 13 babies are usually delivered c-section and most don't survive more than a day or two.
The doctors encouraged us to have either an amniocentisis or a CVS procedure. We prayed and talked and felt strongly that we should hold off on any more testing. We already loved our baby and no testing would change that. We did not want to do anything that might pose an additional risk to the baby.
On a brief trip out West, I found out my best friend had the same due date I did. We were both having a bit of a baby bump, so we went maternity shopping together and got some cute things. She was supportive of our decision, and a great strength to me. She herself was worried for her own baby, since she had been spotting.
(Her spotting stopped and she went on to deliver a beautiful baby girl and I couldn't be happier for her and her husband).
At my 16 week check-up, the doctor talked to me about seeing a high-risk ob/gyn to determine what extra care if any I might need given my chances for something going on with the baby. When he went to listen to the fetal heartbeat, he had a difficult time locating it. He had me move to the ultrasound room. I had a foreboding feeling.
In the next room the tech was looking at the ultrasound, and I could see that there was no swish swish of the heart beating. I asked, "There's no heartbeat is there?" She shook her head no.
I lost it.
I utterly lost it.
I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my entire life.
I had prepared myself for what I thought was the worst, that my baby would be born with trisomy 18 and I would only be able to have him or her for a year or so. I didn't realize that the chances of my baby making it to term were slim as well.
Words really can't explain how hard this experience was. I can say that my faith in God and in my Savior did make it easier. I believe that families can be eternal families, and I have had enough experiences in my life to know that I need to trust my Heavenly Father and his plan for me. And though my pain was great, the Savior knows exactly how I feel and more, because of what He did for me and all of us.
I received strength to go forward, and I am grateful for all I learned during this experience.
I'll try and post more tomorrow about our year.
Do me a favor and go hug your loved ones.
Showing posts with label Thyroid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thyroid. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thyroid Issues, Panic and Childbirth
My TSH levels are low (.58 is the latest) which as I now know--means borderline hyperthyroidism. The good news is this shouldn't affect the baby.
Here's the problem: Just because I fall into some technically random range of "normal" does NOT mean my thyroid is acting normally.
If this was normal then why have I had racing heart issues? Seriously why does it shoot up to 100+ beats a minute when I was resting quietly the minute before? How about 120 beats when I was just standing and looking at some papers? What about the increased agitation? The increasing frequency this is all happening with? This was all happening before I got pregnant, so while a racing heart may not be uncommon during pregnancy, that does not mean it is the norm for me. I've had five babies and this is NOT normal for me.
That said, I have to say I've had panic attacks before, and initially I thought I was having a series of panic attacks. I simply do not react well to certain medications, and they can bring on panic attacks and racing heart.
*******
My first panic attack was in 1998 when I received vicodin after C1's c-section. I stopped taking the vicodin and did better. It helped that my mom arrived. In 2004, someone decided I need to take percocet after C4's birth and the tearing I had. I should have listened to my gut and not taken the medication. The Lord has blessed me with a high pain tolerance and I think it was to balance out the reactions I have to some pain medications. I don't like how morphine makes me itch and be fidgety. The reaction to the percocet was extreme. I couldn't sleep. I was so tired, I kept slipping between dozing (only to be woken by the racing heart) and not quite dreaming, and wakefulness. I had weird half-asleep dreams and thoughts about being strapped down flat on my back while I was pregnant--waiting for surgery, and my baby was in danger. No one was there and no one would help me.
And then I didn't sleep and dream for 3 days. I couldn't relax. I had a hard time enjoying my sweet little girl. It was torture and traumatic.
I should have never taken the half ambien recommended to me before I went in for induction. Then, because I am lucky enough to test positive for Group B Strep, I was given pitocin and a high course of antibiotics before they broke my water. I ended up with an epidural. Then add the anti-fungal I have to take because my body love to immediately launch into thrush when I have antibiotics. It was a nightmare. Too many drugs in my body interacting with each other.
Thankfully this last time (C5) my midwives were really proactive in my care. I was worried about not being able to sleep. (How are you supposed to be able to sleep when every couple of hours someone comes in to check on your or your baby's vitals and then offer you things like newspapers and baby's first photo?) My midwives instructed that the baby and I be evaluated at the same time intervals. NO unnecessary interruptions, and they recommended I take advantage of naturally occurring tryptophan in turkey and warm milk.
Everything is all well and good until March when I had a severe cold and took a certain cold medication as often as allowed to try and relieve my symptoms (something I almost never do).
Result? Panic attack(s) that lasted more or less for three days. Yikes.
*******
I ended up talking to a counselor multiple times trying to figure out what is going on. Found out I was pregnant during the course of counseling and then some of the fears of childbirth and what it means for my body come back. I worked through a good many issues and I was doing better for a little while. Then I found out my pregnancy was ectopic and required immediate surgery. Did I mention my DH was on his way out of the country when this all started happening? Fortunately I had a fantastic friend stay with me until well into the night. I finally sent her home around 1:00 am--she had little ones of her own to take care of. Sometime later I ended up facing my biggest nightmare--pregnant, strapped down to a bed and about to have surgery. Only this time I knew I wasn't alone--I heard the voices of the doctors and nurses, and the room was bright. I faced my biggest fear and got through it. And even though my husband was gone, I felt the Lord comforting me through every step of this process.
I spoke with the counselor about my grief and began to piece things back together. DH had to go out of the country again, and I kept having "attacks" (or what I perceived to be attacks at the time) with more and more frequency. What was happening? Why was I suddenly a basket case? For years I had been a competent, strong woman. Why was I falling apart?
Things came to a head while my husband still gone. I was having a particularly bad evening and as he was on the other side of the world, I was talking to him. He (wonderful man that he is) took time out of his meetings to help me figure out some things. He did some internet research and realized there might be a medical reason for what was happening to me.
Next day I called my nurse practitioner and we started looking into why I might be having these issues.
Once I realized there might be a medical reason, a strange thing happened--I stopped panicking when the racing heart would start. I'd been so used to associating the two, I thought I was having another panic attack whenever the racing heart happened.
Now, I can distance myself and say, "Hmm--my body is freaking out on me at the moment."
I'm still not sure what is at the bottom of all of this. My good friend with celiacs (I'll call her Anna for future purposes), has had a lot of the same issues I've had and has been a stalwart friend and a good listening ear. She is the one that suggested I look into celiacs knowing I don't really react well to wheat or gluten.
The bottom line is, something in my body has changed, and I am determined to figure out what it is. I dearly wish I had a baseline TSH and other thyroid levels to compare my current state to. If I did, I suspect I could turn to the doctor and say, "Here's where I am supposed to be, and here's where I am now. What are we going to do about it?"
I'm not going to give up. I will eat healthier and I will find an answer that works for me and my family. We will, with the Lord's help, find a way through all of this.
Here's the problem: Just because I fall into some technically random range of "normal" does NOT mean my thyroid is acting normally.
If this was normal then why have I had racing heart issues? Seriously why does it shoot up to 100+ beats a minute when I was resting quietly the minute before? How about 120 beats when I was just standing and looking at some papers? What about the increased agitation? The increasing frequency this is all happening with? This was all happening before I got pregnant, so while a racing heart may not be uncommon during pregnancy, that does not mean it is the norm for me. I've had five babies and this is NOT normal for me.
That said, I have to say I've had panic attacks before, and initially I thought I was having a series of panic attacks. I simply do not react well to certain medications, and they can bring on panic attacks and racing heart.
*******
My first panic attack was in 1998 when I received vicodin after C1's c-section. I stopped taking the vicodin and did better. It helped that my mom arrived. In 2004, someone decided I need to take percocet after C4's birth and the tearing I had. I should have listened to my gut and not taken the medication. The Lord has blessed me with a high pain tolerance and I think it was to balance out the reactions I have to some pain medications. I don't like how morphine makes me itch and be fidgety. The reaction to the percocet was extreme. I couldn't sleep. I was so tired, I kept slipping between dozing (only to be woken by the racing heart) and not quite dreaming, and wakefulness. I had weird half-asleep dreams and thoughts about being strapped down flat on my back while I was pregnant--waiting for surgery, and my baby was in danger. No one was there and no one would help me.
And then I didn't sleep and dream for 3 days. I couldn't relax. I had a hard time enjoying my sweet little girl. It was torture and traumatic.
I should have never taken the half ambien recommended to me before I went in for induction. Then, because I am lucky enough to test positive for Group B Strep, I was given pitocin and a high course of antibiotics before they broke my water. I ended up with an epidural. Then add the anti-fungal I have to take because my body love to immediately launch into thrush when I have antibiotics. It was a nightmare. Too many drugs in my body interacting with each other.
Thankfully this last time (C5) my midwives were really proactive in my care. I was worried about not being able to sleep. (How are you supposed to be able to sleep when every couple of hours someone comes in to check on your or your baby's vitals and then offer you things like newspapers and baby's first photo?) My midwives instructed that the baby and I be evaluated at the same time intervals. NO unnecessary interruptions, and they recommended I take advantage of naturally occurring tryptophan in turkey and warm milk.
Everything is all well and good until March when I had a severe cold and took a certain cold medication as often as allowed to try and relieve my symptoms (something I almost never do).
Result? Panic attack(s) that lasted more or less for three days. Yikes.
*******
I ended up talking to a counselor multiple times trying to figure out what is going on. Found out I was pregnant during the course of counseling and then some of the fears of childbirth and what it means for my body come back. I worked through a good many issues and I was doing better for a little while. Then I found out my pregnancy was ectopic and required immediate surgery. Did I mention my DH was on his way out of the country when this all started happening? Fortunately I had a fantastic friend stay with me until well into the night. I finally sent her home around 1:00 am--she had little ones of her own to take care of. Sometime later I ended up facing my biggest nightmare--pregnant, strapped down to a bed and about to have surgery. Only this time I knew I wasn't alone--I heard the voices of the doctors and nurses, and the room was bright. I faced my biggest fear and got through it. And even though my husband was gone, I felt the Lord comforting me through every step of this process.
I spoke with the counselor about my grief and began to piece things back together. DH had to go out of the country again, and I kept having "attacks" (or what I perceived to be attacks at the time) with more and more frequency. What was happening? Why was I suddenly a basket case? For years I had been a competent, strong woman. Why was I falling apart?
Things came to a head while my husband still gone. I was having a particularly bad evening and as he was on the other side of the world, I was talking to him. He (wonderful man that he is) took time out of his meetings to help me figure out some things. He did some internet research and realized there might be a medical reason for what was happening to me.
Next day I called my nurse practitioner and we started looking into why I might be having these issues.
Once I realized there might be a medical reason, a strange thing happened--I stopped panicking when the racing heart would start. I'd been so used to associating the two, I thought I was having another panic attack whenever the racing heart happened.
Now, I can distance myself and say, "Hmm--my body is freaking out on me at the moment."
I'm still not sure what is at the bottom of all of this. My good friend with celiacs (I'll call her Anna for future purposes), has had a lot of the same issues I've had and has been a stalwart friend and a good listening ear. She is the one that suggested I look into celiacs knowing I don't really react well to wheat or gluten.
The bottom line is, something in my body has changed, and I am determined to figure out what it is. I dearly wish I had a baseline TSH and other thyroid levels to compare my current state to. If I did, I suspect I could turn to the doctor and say, "Here's where I am supposed to be, and here's where I am now. What are we going to do about it?"
I'm not going to give up. I will eat healthier and I will find an answer that works for me and my family. We will, with the Lord's help, find a way through all of this.
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