Torn

Torn

That's how I feel.  Torn. 

Baby Girl was evaluated in speech, gross motor and fine motor skills and in sensory/tactile sensitivities.  She qualifies for services.

She had her first evaluation with the case manager a couple of weeks ago.  We schedule another evaluation and she offered to have all them come at once.  My first reaction was, "That will overwhelm her."   I wanted to protect my baby from that.  I quickly realized that Baby Girl being overwhelmed would probably actually be a good thing for them to see.  We scheduled the evaluation.

She was, as I predicted, overwhelmed.  She shut down and turned into herself.  She closed her eyes against them several times over a short period of time.  She wouldn't complete tasks.  It was only when she had the safety net of her blanket over her head that she began to cooperate with them. 

She has a 25% speech delay.  Most of that is in receptive speech skills.  She came out as having the skills of a 12 month old.  IE--she hasn't made any progress despite our efforts. 

The occupational therapist saw a lot of the same behaviors I'm concerned with and is anxious to start working with her to see if we can help her learn to cope and deal with things in a productive manner. 

I'm relieved, happy, sad and so many emotions all at the same time.  I'm sad that my fears have been confirmed, but I am happy we've caught these things early and she can get the help she needs.  I'm relieved I will be getting support.  I've been fighting for my kids for so long I feel like I'm in a raging war and I've just received a battalion of fresh reinforcements.  I honestly get teary just thinking about it.  I'm grateful for those reinforcements. 

I am anguished for my little girl and what this might mean for her future.  It won't change who she is, but it means things will be that much tougher for her.  I have to prepare her to face the world.

I'm torn.

Are We Heading Down the Autism Road?

Back in July I wrote how I took BabyGirl into our favorite Autism medical center for her sibling study evaluation.  She excels at gross motor skills (we knew she did), but she is a bit more behind in expressive speech.  It's been over a month, and I've yet to see any real progress with her expressive speech.  (She demonstrates understanding or receptive language much more than she communicates).

We've decided that rather than wait until the 18 month evaluation, we're going to contact the Early Education program in our area and have her evaluated.  I know from our previous experience with Acroboy it can take a while to get the evaluations set up.  By the time I had Acroboy evaluated, he started talking A LOT.  He still had a verbal delay, but it wasn't significant enough to warrant him receiving services.

Baby Girl is non-verbal (Mama, Dada, baba, and uh-oh make up the sum of her vocabulary).  She is also showing more and more pickiness with foods and textures.  I've noticed her getting picky about the temperature of the water when we wash her hands too.  There is a limited range at which we wash, or she starts crying.

She is retreating more and more into herself when she gets overwhelmed.  It reminds me very much of how her oldest brother was.  Back then I thought it was just "cute".

We have the first of the evaluations set up in a couple of weeks.  I am not sure if I am jumping the gun.  Am I worrying unnecessarily?  Friends have regaled me with stories of family members who didn't talk much until they were 3 and then went on the lead "normal" lives.  What if I wait like I did with her brother, will she become verbal and then not qualify because she's not "enough" behind?  It's a tough conundrum for us.  In the end we decided we would start the process and see where it leads.  She may or may not qualify for services.  Either way I'll continue to work with her the best way I know how, and I'll know I've been doing all I can to give my baby the best start possible.

Acroboy Has Graduated from Speech Therapy

Right as school is ending I received a letter from the speech therapist at the elementary school.  It stated that Acroboy has met all of his speech goals and services would be ending. 

I'm not sure how to feel about this. 

I'm pleased that he seems to have met all of his goals, but will he remember everything he needs once school starts again in the fall?  Will we have other issues that will become more prevalent? 

I think his teacher is nervous too. 

I did receive one piece of good news for us though.  The incoming kindergarten class is not large enough to warrant three teachers, so his teacher will be advancing to first grade with her students.  I think most of the kids in the class are excited (all of them opted to stay with her), but I am especially looking forward to this move since she knows Acroboy so well and we already have good communication and reinforcement between the two of us. 

We'll see what the summer and fall bring.